Sometimes i felt like i'm still living with the burden on my back
...or rather the load of regrets
Came to realisation, time sometimes doesn't play any role or make any movement.
Having the very thoughts from the moment of waking up, it felt like it was just yesterday it occured. Probably even the past hour
It was never a deja vu.
It doesnt differ a tiny bit being back at the exact spot. Ignoring the fact that i've past through countless times.
Fogged up window, heavy rain drops splashes, the tail of many red lights, freezing temperature. Still felt the moment hasnt change a single bit, despite the major contrast of environment
How bout random thoughts which completely irrelevant flashes thru. Which caught u nothing but standing,staring and ponder over it again for the 76th time
The memory sure clear as hell.
No one think or count in their head for that long. Chances its just another cycle of recalling back the entire scene back to the very first step
Won't know if all of it is tiring, probably its like seeing another classmate of yours walking pass
Sometimes, hiding from the obvious doesn't quite pull the trick. Everyone saw right thru it except my very self
"Face your fear"
And your face will be over encumbered by it. Its actually priceless to have the
moment caught you unexpected. Not knowing what to do, probably the very second will be showing the true and darn honest emotions. There you go, cursing the moment where you could have hid it better.
Look at the bright side, it caught u unexpected! Should been given a head start warning right?
Live happenings. Its a bigger bummer than anyone could thought of. Observation of both sides is like gettin a big fat slap across the face, piling up another few loads into the bag o' regrets. Helpless but still thinking, "I could be in that position by now"
"If only..."
"If only i could..."
"...but I could only watch on till now"
It sucks and hurt badly. If hurt was the right word, but there was damages in certain ways. Cant be helped but to keep observing. The desire never fail to overcome the situation. I know, its bad and nothing good is coming out from it. But ignoring it seemed so far fetched.
In mere comparison, i did let go alot. Or at least die tryin to convince myself that i really did.
I guess there was a fine line after all, between agreeing and pretending.
Probably by this moment, you all will be thinking its another love sick dying tragedy story. As a grounded base, its just another chapter in it. It revolves around me more than it is vice versa.
I don't see much sense with the bunch of words above this comma, but its hard to beat the feelings and thoughts bout it.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Sunday, March 16, 2008
BRATs Taiping 2008
Its really tiring for the past 4 days. As i rushed thru my Accounts subject revision for my mid sem exam on Wed. Until the very last minute on that nite itself, I was told that his (lecturer) thumbdrive was being infected by virus and all the question papers are gone.
Probably he hasn't finish making the paper in the first place.
Anyway, yeah. I've skipped Stats 2, Accounts, Hubungan Etnik and Perhubungan Awam 2 classes to senior the BRATs Taiping workshop...not to forget I've changed my Accounts exam date to Tuesday :P
But the process of going for the workshop did gave me a tough time. What happened was, both the workshop and exam fall on the same date which is the 9th. Till the PM got bored and wanted an election. My exam's date changed to the 16th.
"Good, means it wont clash"
Little that i know, the workshop date changed as well to the 13th.
I called back and said I wont be senioring the workshop.
Later in the class, the lecturer mentioned bout taking the exam earlier if there's any important matter. The heck with it, i'll try my luck with that. Saying i needed to go 'back' to Taiping.
Its not a lie k. Technically thats my hometown :P
So yeah, eventually i pulled that thru and there i was.
Just as an early note, I never had the habit of snapping pics wherever i go. Yeaps, so most 2/3 of my blog are filled with boring text. Oops, sorry that i accidentally said the sensitive number fraction of 2/3.
Besides that, I won't be talking bout the workshop in detailed as the fellow participants will be writing and contributing their articles to Ole Brats. So, here we go.
...
..
....
Damn, i realised I have nothin to talk bout if I ignore the boring details.
Anyway, my senioring was joined by Melissa, Muzani and Hoei.
Recognition check: I've only seen Melissa in frenster, I saw Muzani before but God knows where and I was with Hoei in a brats programs or 2.
As usual it was a wacky 4 days with them, whether it was Mel bringing her pillow to the biscuit factory, Muz new found 'mate' or Hoei throwing ppl to the ground(well...sort-of).
For my own experience, the weirdest was at the Taiping's Zoo. Like it or not, but i believe its the mating season for all the animals. My group was assigned to the monkeys and chimps section. Thats our first sighting of the wild sex.
ITS THE MOST LIFELESS MATING YOU'LL EVER SEE IN YOUR LIFE
As soon as the male caught the female and erm...make his 'entrance', it sat there in a yoga position and not making a single movement for the next 5 mins. And left soon after that.
THEN he repeated the same routine again for at least 3 times within the next 30 mins. I got real bored and decided to take a walk to other cages/enclosures.
At the crocodile area, Sharmila told me that the ripples made by its scales is a sign of wanting to mate. Okay, now the croc is on heat too. But of course there wasn't any action goin on...YET.
Next up, the porcupines. Yes, the smaller male was attempting to hump on the female. Before it could make any movements, the female immediately extend its spines out. It couldnt do anything but go back to sleep.
Enough bout the sex talk. Its gettin weirder and sounded damn wrong.
Anyhow I'm proud of my group. They did well through out the assignments. Of course chances that most of us will be slaughtered during Ju Eng's evaluation/debrief after each activity/outing. No exception for me. Lol.
I've known my group members the most out of the 4 days. So here's a rough insight by me.
Specially for the group, since i havent revise for my exams yet, so the most i can do is this.
Joanne: The team is well lead by you. Yeah, you might feel there are times where things are all messed up. But its all fine, you still able to keep your cool and get things running. Assignments was never easy and organised anyway :)
Jade: Somehow i felt that there's always good energy coming out from ya all the time. Very enthusiastic. That's a very common BRATs trait btw,hehe. Its good that you blend in very well with people in your interview. You and Joanne together kept the group running on extra pace and the extra mile
Puvana: You did your part well too. Just be more involved with the group. I know its hard to keep up with the discussion when everyone trying to voice out louder each time. Sometimes i lost track of what u all tryin to discuss during observation. lol. Things got sidetracked rather fast
Wan Hong: My roomie, haha. Sorry to drag u along with the Ilyas tortures. So happen that he loves to take his shower in our room. Its a pity that the video couldnt be presented. Cause you worked hard to capture everything. Keep up the good work :)
Zen Jie: There's the outspoken and outgoing quality in you. And that's exactly what it takes to make changes to the group. And not to forget that u have alot of creative ideas. Polish up a little on ur creativity and ur'll defintely be great
Nick (sorry, i have a tough time remembering ur chinese name :P ): I can see that you worked hard to keep up in discussions and assignments. Just be more comfortable with ppl around you and feel free to express urself :)
Fiona: For some strange reasons, you looked damn lost and blur all the time. Lol. thank god ur not anything near being that. Speak up more, although i know its very hard to confront Ju Eng :P Seems like u do put alot of interest in the stuffs ur doin. But its only my assumption, i could be wrong,haha. But afterall ur another hard worker
Jared: U have very strong contributions to the group. But probably need to discuss and share it out more with the rest. Just remember erm...like how u download illegal mp3's and sharing it to others...ok, ignore that.
Boon Hoe: I heard ur pretty popular among the gals huh? Haha. Like i said, thats what i 'heard'. Didnt have much chance to talk to ya. But looks like u work quite efficiently on the articles :)
Caryn: My gawd, infectious laughter. So my guess is that ur the mental lady who commented on my tagboard huh? Or at least thats what u claimed during the sketch. hehe. Ur an interesting addition to the group, especially the humour and laughter....maybe more towards the laughing.
Audrey: Audrey...audrey...stop stoning! :P It seems that what u really need is whole load boost of confidence to urself. Trust me, if ur trying hard enough and willing to do so, you'll be great. Who says ur a bad brat? Just believe in urself that u can do way better.
I could be wrong in any of this comments. So lets take this as a disclaimer :P
Anyway, i'm very proud of u guys to pull this one thru. All the way till the last minute before the articles being handed in. Nice presentation as well, although i thought the act was to impersonate the seniors, knowing Caryn laugh alot like Melissa. lol
Sorry if I didnt help out enough, my instructions were to guide u all without being involved in the process of it.
So lets hope ur articles will appear in this month's Ole Brats :)
To the rest, nice meeting you all. Honestly i had fun senioring this workshop and we are happy with the energy and enthusiasm from this batch.
See u guys around soon
Probably he hasn't finish making the paper in the first place.
Anyway, yeah. I've skipped Stats 2, Accounts, Hubungan Etnik and Perhubungan Awam 2 classes to senior the BRATs Taiping workshop...not to forget I've changed my Accounts exam date to Tuesday :P
But the process of going for the workshop did gave me a tough time. What happened was, both the workshop and exam fall on the same date which is the 9th. Till the PM got bored and wanted an election. My exam's date changed to the 16th.
"Good, means it wont clash"
Little that i know, the workshop date changed as well to the 13th.
I called back and said I wont be senioring the workshop.
Later in the class, the lecturer mentioned bout taking the exam earlier if there's any important matter. The heck with it, i'll try my luck with that. Saying i needed to go 'back' to Taiping.
Its not a lie k. Technically thats my hometown :P
So yeah, eventually i pulled that thru and there i was.
Just as an early note, I never had the habit of snapping pics wherever i go. Yeaps, so most 2/3 of my blog are filled with boring text. Oops, sorry that i accidentally said the sensitive number fraction of 2/3.
Besides that, I won't be talking bout the workshop in detailed as the fellow participants will be writing and contributing their articles to Ole Brats. So, here we go.
...
..
....
Damn, i realised I have nothin to talk bout if I ignore the boring details.
Anyway, my senioring was joined by Melissa, Muzani and Hoei.
Recognition check: I've only seen Melissa in frenster, I saw Muzani before but God knows where and I was with Hoei in a brats programs or 2.
As usual it was a wacky 4 days with them, whether it was Mel bringing her pillow to the biscuit factory, Muz new found 'mate' or Hoei throwing ppl to the ground(well...sort-of).
For my own experience, the weirdest was at the Taiping's Zoo. Like it or not, but i believe its the mating season for all the animals. My group was assigned to the monkeys and chimps section. Thats our first sighting of the wild sex.
ITS THE MOST LIFELESS MATING YOU'LL EVER SEE IN YOUR LIFE
As soon as the male caught the female and erm...make his 'entrance', it sat there in a yoga position and not making a single movement for the next 5 mins. And left soon after that.
THEN he repeated the same routine again for at least 3 times within the next 30 mins. I got real bored and decided to take a walk to other cages/enclosures.
At the crocodile area, Sharmila told me that the ripples made by its scales is a sign of wanting to mate. Okay, now the croc is on heat too. But of course there wasn't any action goin on...YET.
Next up, the porcupines. Yes, the smaller male was attempting to hump on the female. Before it could make any movements, the female immediately extend its spines out. It couldnt do anything but go back to sleep.
Enough bout the sex talk. Its gettin weirder and sounded damn wrong.
Anyhow I'm proud of my group. They did well through out the assignments. Of course chances that most of us will be slaughtered during Ju Eng's evaluation/debrief after each activity/outing. No exception for me. Lol.
I've known my group members the most out of the 4 days. So here's a rough insight by me.
Specially for the group, since i havent revise for my exams yet, so the most i can do is this.
Joanne: The team is well lead by you. Yeah, you might feel there are times where things are all messed up. But its all fine, you still able to keep your cool and get things running. Assignments was never easy and organised anyway :)
Jade: Somehow i felt that there's always good energy coming out from ya all the time. Very enthusiastic. That's a very common BRATs trait btw,hehe. Its good that you blend in very well with people in your interview. You and Joanne together kept the group running on extra pace and the extra mile
Puvana: You did your part well too. Just be more involved with the group. I know its hard to keep up with the discussion when everyone trying to voice out louder each time. Sometimes i lost track of what u all tryin to discuss during observation. lol. Things got sidetracked rather fast
Wan Hong: My roomie, haha. Sorry to drag u along with the Ilyas tortures. So happen that he loves to take his shower in our room. Its a pity that the video couldnt be presented. Cause you worked hard to capture everything. Keep up the good work :)
Zen Jie: There's the outspoken and outgoing quality in you. And that's exactly what it takes to make changes to the group. And not to forget that u have alot of creative ideas. Polish up a little on ur creativity and ur'll defintely be great
Nick (sorry, i have a tough time remembering ur chinese name :P ): I can see that you worked hard to keep up in discussions and assignments. Just be more comfortable with ppl around you and feel free to express urself :)
Fiona: For some strange reasons, you looked damn lost and blur all the time. Lol. thank god ur not anything near being that. Speak up more, although i know its very hard to confront Ju Eng :P Seems like u do put alot of interest in the stuffs ur doin. But its only my assumption, i could be wrong,haha. But afterall ur another hard worker
Jared: U have very strong contributions to the group. But probably need to discuss and share it out more with the rest. Just remember erm...like how u download illegal mp3's and sharing it to others...ok, ignore that.
Boon Hoe: I heard ur pretty popular among the gals huh? Haha. Like i said, thats what i 'heard'. Didnt have much chance to talk to ya. But looks like u work quite efficiently on the articles :)
Caryn: My gawd, infectious laughter. So my guess is that ur the mental lady who commented on my tagboard huh? Or at least thats what u claimed during the sketch. hehe. Ur an interesting addition to the group, especially the humour and laughter....maybe more towards the laughing.
Audrey: Audrey...audrey...stop stoning! :P It seems that what u really need is whole load boost of confidence to urself. Trust me, if ur trying hard enough and willing to do so, you'll be great. Who says ur a bad brat? Just believe in urself that u can do way better.
I could be wrong in any of this comments. So lets take this as a disclaimer :P
Anyway, i'm very proud of u guys to pull this one thru. All the way till the last minute before the articles being handed in. Nice presentation as well, although i thought the act was to impersonate the seniors, knowing Caryn laugh alot like Melissa. lol
Sorry if I didnt help out enough, my instructions were to guide u all without being involved in the process of it.
So lets hope ur articles will appear in this month's Ole Brats :)
To the rest, nice meeting you all. Honestly i had fun senioring this workshop and we are happy with the energy and enthusiasm from this batch.
See u guys around soon
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